Promise

You've made me cry.
You've made me scream.
You've made me pissed.
You've made me panic.
All these things, well, they really suck.
But you know what? That's okay.
Because you've made me laugh.
You've made me sing.
You've made me giddy.
You've made me dance.
And, really, all those are great.
So I'd like to stay like this
and it'd be great if you, y'know, stayed.
But if you have to...well...okay.
But promise you'll write.
Promise you'll come back.
Promise you won't forget me or replace me with someone stronger.
Promise we can still be as close as we are.
Promise you'll only break that promise if we're getting closer.
Promise you won't hate me if (when) I don't answer your calls because I hate the phone.
Promise you won't laugh if I start freaking out at the awkward silences.
If you promise all that, I promise I'll keep on missing you.
I promise I won't send you a message every day (...maybe).
I promise I'll answer your calls and only hang up if I'm seizing from pure awkwardness.
I promise I won't try to get closer by prying and promise to break that promise if you want me to.
I promise to try to not think of you every minute, promise to try not to live my life waiting for you.
I promise to move on (eventually) and I promise to be a supporting friend if you ever change your mind and my heart's someone else's (unlikely, but just in case).
I promise I'll be there for you like you've been there for me.
I promise not to be too giddy if you choose to trust me with some secret.
I promise to keep as many promises as I can and make more if it means you keep yours. Or you're happy. Whichever applies.
I promise that someday I'll be okay, if you ever worry.
I promise to give you a really freaking big hug when I eventually see you and I expect you to do the same.
You're awesome and I really hope you read this someday.
Imagine there's a heart at the end of that sentence because this thing hates me and won't lemme put one, okay? Okay.

More Jeremy and Aaron, finally.

Aaron crab-walked across the couch in Jeremy's apartment, then stopped to stretch his legs across Jeremy's lap. He ended up sitting sideways on the older boy's lap, somewhat like a little kid would on Santa's.

"Hi," he said brightly, leaning against Jeremy and looking up at him through the hair in his eyes.

"Hi," Jeremy replied, brushing the hair away. "How can you stand to have it hang in your face like that all the time?"

Aaron shrugged and shook his head so the hair fell back. Laughing at Jeremy's displeased look, he said,

"I dunno. 'Cause I look cute with it like that?"

"You don't sound so sure," Jeremy said, wondering if he should get Aaron off his lap.

"Well, I don't know if it does or not," Aaron told him very matter-of-factly, "because I can't tell if it's just me that likes it. Do you think I look cute with it like this?"

Jeremy looked at Aaron oddly for a moment. Was the boy trying to trick him into saying something that might betray any feelings he may-or-may-not have harbored for him? Or was he just asking because Aaron had no tact? He couldn't be sure.

"It should only matter what you think, though," Jeremy dodged. "Not what I or anyone else does."

Aaron pouted, but again, Jeremy couldn't be sure why.

"I've never fully agreed with that," Aaron muttered. "I mean, yeah, you should be doing what you do because you want to, but is it really wrong to wonder what the people you care about would think? Like, if you were going to steal something? Or try some of that scream stuff you like listening to?" Jeremy smirked.

"You like listening to it, too, Aaron."

Aaron waved his hand, dismissing the fact. "Yeah, yeah, but that's beside my point. Is it bad to wonder what the people you care about think? Those are the only opinions I'd ever worry about myself. Yours and...uh...some..somebody else's, too."

Aaron seemed embarrassed by not being able to come up with anyone else. Jeremy suppressed a spurt of giggles that was bubbling up. He didn't want to laugh because of whatever reason Aaron's poor insecure mind had come up with; no, he just thought that the blushing boy on his lap was kind of adorable. Upon realizing this himself, he felt a blanket of dread cover him. Even though Aaron was only a year and a half younger than him, it made Jeremy feel like an old pervert to think that because Aaron was so much smaller than him.

"I don't know if it's bad, Aaron," Jeremy replied after pushing these thoughts aside, "but don't you think it'd be less stressful to just do what you wanted just for you? Without worrying what anyone else thinks?"

Aaron shrugged, looking down at the floor without another word. Jeremy was worried that he'd said something wrong, but he wasn't sure what to do. Had Aaron really felt that his words were true? Was he hurt by Jeremy's questioning them? He'd really just been trying to get his mind off the picture of him as a Nabokov-esque old man and thought that it'd be the right thing to say. He'd just wanted to keep the conversation going. Jeremy really didn't think he could stand Aaron being mad at him, but not because it'd hurt him. Well, it would, but not as much as Aaron's melodramatic actions would annoy him. It'd happened in the past a couple of times and Jeremy really didn't want to repeat the experience.

A sudden tremor against his chest pulled Jeremy from his thoughts. He looked down and saw that Aaron was shaking, rather violently, with sobs.

"Wha-- Aaron, what's wrong?" Jeremy exclaimed, gently holding the boy's face and turning it up to his own. Aaron's face was soaked with the waterworks and he was looking at Jeremy pleadingly.

"I j-ju--I just realized...i-if you ever luh...leave...I'll...I'll have nobody!" Aaron managed to choke out. "I d-don't care what...what anyone b-b-but you thinks...so if you l-leave, I'll have no one...no one I c-care about!" The sobs' intensity doubled after this and Aaron started to have troubles breathing.

Jeremy was frozen. He had no idea what to do. Aaron had never done this with him before. He actually had very little experience with tears in any manner. His hands were away from Aaron in a "WTH!" fashion of shock and he felt that he should probably change that, but he wasn't sure how. Hesitantly, he put his arms around Aaron and held him tight.

"That's..that's not true, Aaron," Jeremy told him shakily. "You have more people that you care about. What about your parents?"

Aaron snorted through his tears and started to say retort but Jeremy stopped him.

"Stop saying whatever you're going to say," he said firmly. "You and I both know you love them, whatever you might say. They're your parents, Aaron. They haven't done anything bad to you at all. Even I still love my parents."

Aaron was silent. Obviously Jeremy had gotten his point across. He was unsure whether he should continue or not, but felt that he had more to say, so he did.

"You shouldn't worry about that stuff, anyway," he said, still holding Aaron tight. "There's nothing you can do about me leaving, so it's silly. And anyway--" He loosened his hold and turned Aaron's face up towards his with one hand. "--I don't plan on going anywhere. You're great, kid. Why would I leave?"

Aaron's lip trembled and the tears that had slowed down started up again, though not as abundantly as they had before. He threw his arms around Jeremy's neck and held on so tightly Jeremy started to cough.

"Th-thank you, Jeremy!" he cried. "Thank you s-so muh..much!"

Jeremy smiled weakly and hugged Aaron with a little relieved sigh. "Can't breathe all too well, Aaron," he wheezed, secretly really glad that the boy needed him so. Things were good.

--------

I really can't express how much I love these two.

(Also it took me three hours to write this, with all the interruptions I had. :O Did not realize.)

Me + You

This is rather wordy. Beware.

----------------

You confuse me to no end

You're gone then back again

Why is it that you can't decide?

I'm really very tired of trying to hide

I know I'm awesome and I'm great

But both these things you seem to hate

I'm so confused, how'd we get here?

When once before it seemed we were so near

You make me wonder what to do,

Need to solve this, what's me plus you?

So, yeah, you've been with that girl

My head 'n heart have been in a whirl

Whether this is jealousy or hate, though,

Oh, I just can't kno-ow!

Now she's ignoring me, too, oh gawsh

What'd I do to deserve this hogwash?

I'm so confused, how'd we get here?

When once before it seemed we were so near

You make me wonder what to do,

Need to solve this, what's me plus you?

Are we friends?

Should this end?

Please, I need to know,

So I can let you go.

I'm so confused, how'd we get here?

When once before it seemed we were so near

You make me wonder what to do,

Need to solve this, what's me plus you?

----------------

Heck yes I used the word hogwash.

Middle Ground

Random maybe-song I came up with? Needs musics, though. And that I can't do, unfortunately.

*coughhacksomeonehelpmemaybecoughcough*

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It seem words fail me

When I want them most

When you're being...y'know

And doing...that thing

Then when I have them,

There are way too many!

Sometimes I think that, maybe,

I shouldn't say a thing

And most times I find that, really,

I do.

I need to find a middle ground,

Speak without blabbering on

Wasn't lost and still not found

How can I tell you what's going on

If I don't speak at all?

My mind is spinning

When you enter the room

My is tongue tied...yet

I feel it...coming up

Just like in Mean Girls

It's word vomit, all over your shoes

Sometimes I think, maybe,

I shouldn't say a thing

And most times I find, really,

I do.

I need to find a middle ground,

Speak without blabbering on

Wasn't lost and still not found

How can I tell you what's going on

If I don't speak at all?

Here it comes again

Tangled sentences

Awkward silences all around

Where's my middle ground?

I need to find my middle ground

Speak without blabbering on

Wasn't lost and still not found

How can I tell you what's going on

If I don't speak at all?

Adriana sat with her arms folded on the window sill and her head resting on her arms. She was waiting, but she wasn't sure just why yet. For some reason, she felt like she needed to be sitting here. Terrance had mentioned stopping by, but only in passing. He hadn't said anything specific, not at all. So why on earth was she sitting here waiting? It made no sense at all. But still, she sat and waited.

There was nothing really to look forward to even if he did randomly appear. What were they going to do? What would she say? Should she invite him inside? She sat up from the uncomfortable position she was in to stretch her back as she looked around the room. The house was a mess. There was no way her mother would let anyone inside, even for a moment. What would they do? There was nothing interesting around her house. Could Adriana manage to talk to Terrance without freaking out? She didn't think she could. He made her so, so happy, but still...she couldn't talk around him. She was usually a blabbermouth, too, but he made her clam up. It was so obvious that she liked him because of it. Obvious as it was, though, Adriana had still told him that she liked him. Twice, actually. First a few months ago, when it was still blooming, still kind of unsure, then a little while ago, when she was certain it had to be love. But, both times, it was ignored. The first time she pressed and pressed for an answer, though. She received a "you're a great girl, but...." in return. She told him it was alright, that was what she needed to hear, but...she still hadn't moved on at all.

Adriana pushed back her long dark hair from her eyes, still diligently watching for Terrance to come up her drive way. Why would he come by, anyway? There was no reason. No reason at all. She flopped backwards onto her back, legs still criss-cross-applesauce in front of the window. Try to relax, she told herself. Don't get your hopes up, that'll just make you hurt more. But she couldn't help it.

As she tried to relax, though, the days of being out in the fresh air caught up to her and she drifted to sleep.

Adriana dreamed vaguely of being happy sitting next to someone. She didn't know who it was or why she was so happy, but she was. She couldn't even see where she was. But she was snug against someone and everything was good.

"ADRI!" her mother's shrill voice yelled from downstairs, suddenly waking her up.

She sat up, confused and frustrated to be woken up before she could figure out why she was happy. Her mother yelled for her again, so she stood up and hurried down the stairs in her pajamas.

"What, Mom?" she asked in a very annoyed fashion.

"Someone's here to see you," her mother replied, pointing to the door.

Adriana gasped and ran to the door, despite her pajama'd self. She couldn't believe it. Had he actually come? Had Terrence actually stopped by her house? She turned the doorknob and yanked the door open, her eyes greeted by his smiling face. Adriana grinned back brightly at first, but then it tampered down into a shy smile.

"What're you doing here?" she asked softly, her hand still on the doorknob.

"I had a question," Terrance replied. "A question that couldn't wait until school."

Adriana looked at him in bewilderment and he laughed a little.

"Oh, come on," he said, "you don't have a clue? Really, Adri? None at all?"

She shook her head and he chuckled a little more.

"Well, I just stopped by to see you, honestly," he told her, "and ask if you'd like to go out with me."

Adriana squealed like a little girl who'd just been asked if she wanted a pony. Terrance laugedh again, but not in a malicious way.

"Should I take that as a yes?"

Adriana nodded vigorously and jumped up to hug him. He picked her up and held her tightly.

"Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you," she chanted in his ear, so happy she could very well start crying. Then she stopped and looked over his shoulder.

"Who's that in the car?"

Terrance set her down and turned back to the car.

"Oh, them? My family. We were out to lunch and I made them stop by here."

Adriana looked at him incredulously. "Really?"

He nodded. "Figured now was as good a time as any for them to meet you."

"What?!" she squeaked, her face flushed. "Now? But..I'm in my pajamas...and I don't have any make-up on..."

Terrance kissed the top of her head, making Adriana very literally go weak at the knees. He laughed at this and held her up.

"Oh, hush. You're beautiful."

Jeremy glanced over at Aaron, who'd fallen asleep at the computer. The younger boy's dark hair fell over his face so it was hidden, but Jeremy could still tell he was out because of the utter calm that had settled over the room. No place could be this calm with Aaron around unless he was unconscious.

He wasn't sure what to do with the boy. Aaron had come over to his apartment because he'd needed time away from his parents. They were a little overbearing sometimes, Jeremy had to admit. But where he saw good intentions, Aaron saw a need to control every part of his life. Jeremy could tell that Aaron's parents just wanted him to have the best life possible and that they cared about him. He'd even told Aaron to trust him on this: He knew crappy parents when he saw them. One look at his own family would make that apparent.

He shook his head and the thoughts disappeared like the doodles on an Etch-A-Sketch. He didn't want to think about those idiots. They probably never thought about him, so why should they plague his thoughts daily? Because they were still his parents, that's why. He knew that's why he thought about them so much, and that's why he wanted them back, but he still hated that he longed for them so.

Standing up, he started to clean up the living room a little. Aaron would probably end up in his bed and he'd be on the couch, like the gentleman he was. Despite Aaron's being a boy, Jeremy still couldn't let him sleep there. Maybe it was because Aaron was younger than him. Yeah, it was probably that. Jeremy picked up the pizza box and a couple of soda cans and moved into his tiny kitchenette. Setting the box on top of the trash can, he made a mental note that tomorrow was in fact trash day and hoped he wouldn't forget again. The small apartment already stunk to high heaven from last week's leftovers. He didn't need a bulky pizza box getting in his way, too. He put the cans in the sink, then looked across the counter and through the hole in the wall to the living room. Aaron was still slumped forward on the keyboard. He was probably drooling, too, which would mean Jeremy's keys would start to stick or something. Great. The high school graduate shook his head and sauntered back over to the younger boy. Jeremy saw the bright yellow cords that led from Aaron's ears to the computer and he wondered what he'd been listening to. Jiggling the mouse a little, the screensaver of swirling colors stopped and Youtube came up with a Silversun Pickups video playing.

Jeremy smirked. He'd mentioned the band not half an hour earlier and already he was listening to them? Maybe Aaron liked him a little more than he had realized. Jeremy removed the earbuds from Aaron's ears and pulled the computer chair back while supporting the boy's upper half. It was a little bit of a juggle, but this very same situation had occurred enough times that Jeremy had grown accustomed to it. Letting Aaron lean back in the chair now, Jeremy bent his knees and scooped the small teenager up into his arms. It was ridiculous how different in height they were sometimes. But, as Jeremy often thought, it was also lucky. If they were closer in height or weight, he wouldn't be able to carry a sleeping Aaron like this. And he would miss that.

Down the narrow hall he went, careful not to bump Aaron's head on the walls. He slipped into his similarly small bedroom and laid the boy out on the bed, pulling a blanket over him to keep him warm. Jeremy stood there a moment and just looked at the boy before him. Aaron was probably his best friend, though they'd just grown close recently, after Aaron had forced himself into Jeremy's life. He smirked again, remembering Aaron's forwardness.

"Hey, dude, you're freaking HUGE!" he'd told Jeremy one day in the hallway at school.

"Uh, maybe compared to you, short stuff," he'd retorted, glaring down at the short boy.

"Pft, no," Aaron had replied, shaking his head, "you're a giant compared to everyone, dude."

Jeremy laughed out loud then, so tickled was he by the memory of their first encounter. Despite that odd beginning, they were still close. Maybe it was because their first meeting was so odd that they were close.

"Nnnnnnn," Aaron groaned. "Looooove you, Germy..."

Jeremy froze for a moment, unsure if Aaron was awake or not. But the sixteen year old didn't say anything else nor did he move, so he had to be. Right? Jeremy waited a long moment more before moving. Then he crouched down beside the bed and looked at Aaron, his head propped up by his elbows that rested on the bed. He watched Aaron sleep.

"Love you, too, Aaron," he whispered.

He could have sworn Aaron smiled in his sleep at this. He smiled back. Maybe he did love him.

Aaron reached towards Jeremy affectionately, trying to hold his hand. The instinctive pull-away he received made the younger boy frown. It was so frustrating, liking someone that obviously didn't like you in return. Even more so if you stayed friends with them. And near best friends? Pft. Nearly impossible. Aaron didn't see how he could have survived the past several months as his infatuation grew exponentially and their friendship followed suit.

"Quit it, Aaron," Jeremy said absentmindedly, looking down at the guitar in his hands intently.

"But I'm bored, Jeremy," the boy whined, leaning on his taller friend. "Looking at guitars is only fun for so long when you can't play 'em."

"Then you shouldn't have come along," Jeremy replied, still examining the guitar.

'But I like hanging out with you,' Aaron thought stubbornly, sighing. The two had been wandering around downtown for a couple of hours now, Jeremy on the look for a new guitar and Aaron just goofing off. The boy was sixteen-going-on-seventeen and still he had problems sitting still.

Aaron cast a sidelong glance at Jeremy. Thinking about his age reminded him that Jeremy was heading to college this fall. It wasn't like he was leaving the city or anything--thank GOD--but still. Aaron wouldn't see him every day at school anymore. And Jeremy would be meeting new people. As silly as it was, it made Aaron jealous. He had no reason to be, obviously. Jeremy was in no way his, despite the way he hung off of him. They were only friends. Friends had no reason to be jealous of other people seeing them.

Aaron stood up from his place next to Jeremy on the floor and wandered around the store. There were guitars of every shape and color hanging on the walls. Aaron stopped in fron tof an acoustic guitar and just looked at it. It looked like any other acoustic guitar: The front was made of light wood and the body shaped in that classic fat-peanut style. He had always lked acoustics better. They had a simple, sweet sound and look that comforted him.

There was also the whole start-a-band thing. Jeremy was completely psyched for college because of it. He wanted to meet new people for this band, get good, then get famous. That was really what Aaron worried about the most these days. He wanted to be the singer for this band. He wanted to be part of the group that saw so much of Jeremy. He wanted to taste fame. Jeremy knew Aaron could sing and write. Usually it was only short little blurbs about nothing at all, but after some effort, he'd managed to spout some nearly lyrical pieces. And Freddie Mercury was his idol: Aaron practiced to Queen so much that he was definitely able to get up in a higher range and dance about with no issue. Aaron might have been a worrier and act a tad bit insecure, but he was great at acting. Being in love with one of your best friends did that.

"You like it?" Jeremy asked, his mouth down by Aaron's ear.

Aaron jumped. "Uh, yeah," he said, sounding more calm than he felt.

Jeremy looked at the price as he straightened up. "It's pretty reasonable. You should get it, if you like it. I know you have the money."

"Money or no," Aaron told him, blushing at the mention of his parents' ever-flowing funds and his near-complete access to it, "I can't play. It'd just sit around and collect dust."

Jeremy put an arm around Aaron's middle and pulled him close, deepening the high schooler's blush.

"I'll just have to teach you, then, won't I?" he said. "I mean, Freddie played guitar and piano, too. You can't expect to get into the band with just your singin', can you?"

Aaron's eyes lit up, but he didn't voice his excitement.

"No, I guess I can't."

B-bmp. B-bmp.

The hand on my chest feels the beating of my heart all too well. I don't quite know who it is in front of me, who is feeling my heart thud, but it makes me happy that they're there. I can feel love through that hand, feel caring through these fingers on my sternum. I want to see who it is that loves me so much. I want to open my eyes and throw my arms around them, hold them tight and never let go. I know I can't, though. I can't see. I'm not meant to yet. Still, I try to steal a peek, and open my eyes...

...to see my bedroom ceiling. I'm awake.