Paramore'd

On a good day, I'm crushcrushcrush. I get that I'm pretty freaking head-over-heels and I'd like to charm you into maybe realizing that you at least like me, too. A few details are off; you have no little spies (or at least I don't THINK you do), and I don't catch you looking at me all the time. You might stick by my side a lot when we're with a group of friends...but that's probably just because you realize how insecure I am. I do know that one thing is very, very much the same: I want something more than this. I want to be more than just your friend. I want us to be all alone and to tell you to gimme something to sing about.

On a bad day, I'm All I Wanted. I'm mopey. I lay on the couch, wrapped up in a blanket, watching TV. I feel like crying. A lot. I'm tired. I want to scream. I want to do something, but I also want to keep lying there and doing nothing at all. I just want to feel you beside me, even if you're not holding me or even acknowledging my presence. I just want you to be by me. I just...want...you. And that's all I want.

On a normal day, I'm The Only Exception. Now, I have to say, you're not the only exception. I'm a normal girl with her normal, multiple crushes. I've even liked a guy or two to the point where I thought there might've been some love involved. And there probably was, but I'm almost certain that what I felt then wasn't anything like what I'm feeling now. On these days, I realize what I feel is pretty strong. And I know that it hurts. And I know we're only friends. I know that you're going to go when we meet up, and I know that anything that I might perceive as a returning of feelings is just you being a good friend. I feel bad that that's all it is, but I realize that's the way it's going to stay, now and forever. You...you don't love me that way. You probably care, but only as a friend would. I'll probably never get to have that.

I thought today might be a normal day, even a good day, or a really, really good day, which I can't even think of a song title for. But, no, I see you log on and lookie there, I'm just wanting you. I'm just wanting you so, so bad.



I find it kind of funny that the one person I'd love to read this probably never will.

......dammit.