“Nooo, you can’t leave!” Penny wailed, latching herself onto her nearest and dearest friend, Nathan. Her hands locked together, creating a tight hold that he didn’t think he could get out of.
“Pen, look, I’m sorry,” he said, doing his best to console her with his arms pinned at his sides. “But I’ve got to. My dad’s got this new job and, well… there’s no helping it. I’ve got to move.”
Penny sniffled. Life would be so different without Nathan. Stupid Nathan’s dad! Why wasn’t the job he had now good enough? Without Nathan, she’d have to make new friends. A feeling eerily similar to a newly divorced woman being forced to date again overtook her.
Nathan fidgeted under her grip, looking around them. If Penny was so self-conscious, why wasn’t she being timid now? Everybody was staring at them. They knew the news, so no major rumors would start about this (
hopefully), but Nathan still wished the eyes would stop looking.
“Get off,” he said gruffly, attempting to free his arms so he could pry her hands apart. “We’ve got band practice, Penny.”
She sniffled again, threatening to restart her sobs, but relented. He awkwardly patted her on the back; suddenly years of friendship seemed to disappear. He’d seen Penny upset before, but this was new. Was it really so terrible that he was leaving?
As they left school, Penny took Nathan’s hand in hers. He gave a heaving mental groan—
great, like
that would help keep the attention off of them.
X
“Come, yeah, come a little closer, darlin’,” Nathan sang, leaning into the mic stand. “We’ve got a secret here, yeah, a little secret here.”
Practice was going as usual. Penny had calmed down after a visit with Mr. Pooki. Pooki was the dog of Matt, the guitarist and resident of the house they practiced in. Currently Matt was wailing on guitar, his chords screaming in unison with Nathan’s vocals. Presently, Penny off to the side and kept the bass line steady. Even with her little episode, she was doing her best with the music. She was always the best in their group at that.
The song abruptly ended at the slamming of a door somewhere upstairs. The group of teenagers stopped dead, knowing what it meant: Shut up, my stories are on. A collective sigh was released.
“Well, at least we got a little practice in,” Matt said, taking off his guitar and turning off his amp. Penny silently did the same and began to put everything away. Nathan, Matt and the drummer, Chris, watched her quietly. Although Chris and Matt had missed the majority of Penny’s breakdown, they still knew something was up.
Matt, a big time talker, grew increasingly uncomfortable with the silence. He had to talk.
“So, uh, I think I found someone we could use as a singer,” he said without much thought. “He sounds a lot like you, Nate, so it should be an easy transi—”
Penny interrupted him with a sudden choking noise. She shook uncontrollably, her back turned to them.
The boys stood frozen for a moment, wondering what to do.
Nathan was the first to recover:
“I’ll go get Mr. Pooki.”
He jogged up the stairs, giving his defiantly sagging pants a harsh tug upward.
While he was gone, Matt carefully walked over to Chris, who had stayed put at his drum set.
“Dude,” Matt whispered his eyes widened a bit, “what was that?”
Chris shrugged. “No idea, man. No idea.”
X
Penny tossed her pencil on the floor. Stupid homework! All those number and crap made no sense! And why was she in the AP class, anyway? She wasn’t going to get any of it. And they’d given her summer homework, for Chrissakes. Whose bright idea was that?
She sighed feebly. Nathan’s. He’d been the one that’d gotten her into all of those smarty-pants classes she’d be taking in the coming fall. He’d gotten her there without actually being able to help. That jerk.
What a jerk! Picking up her math book, she gave it a good chuck at the floor. It thudded heavily and even bounced. Penny would have been intrigued normally, but her grief consumed her thoughts.
Why’s he gone?! She mentally raged, tears stinging her eyes.
I need him! Her eyes wandered to her desk where an open notebook and pen sat untouched. She’d meant to write him the first day, but she couldn’t. While she missed him, part of her wanted Nathan to think she was okay. Maybe because she didn’t want him to worry—maybe because she thought it would help her actually be okay. Whichever it was, she hoped it was working.
X
Dear Nathan,
Hi bud! I miss you so, so much! I would’ve written sooner, but I’ve been busy with that dumb AP work. How’s stuff in the big city? Met anybody cool yet? I haven’t really ventured outside much. It’s been waaay too hot. I’ve barely been able to move and my mom still hasn’t given in and gotten any AC. I would be happy with one of those in-the-wall things right now. (Even though I’d probably have nightmares about it blowing itself up like in The Brave Little Toaster.)
Oh, dear… I don’t really have much to write about! Well, I hope you’re doing good and it’s cooler (literally and figuratively) where you are. Oh! And I haven’t had a chance to get to practice yet, but I hear that the new singer is pretty sweet. I’m sure Matt and Chris still miss you a lot, though.
Love,
Penny
X
No word. None. It’d been a week. Was the U.S. Postal Service so slow? It was called snail mail for a reason. Did Nathan really live so far away now?
Or… maybe he just wasn’t writing?
Penny sighed, plucking few strings on her bass. That was probably it. He was busy with his new life in the big city. He probably had a whole gaggle of new friends that were much cooler than her. Nathan was too busy having fun to write back to boring old Penny. He’d moved on.
A sudden anger filled her. How dare he! How dare he move on so quickly.
“Screw him, then,” she spat, tightening her grip on the beck of the bass guitar in her lap. “I’ll get a new life, too.”
She set her bass on its stand and went to the mirror in the bathroom. How could she change?
X
Matt heaved a great and frustrated sigh. The new guy, Jim, was all ready to go and so was Chris. But where was Penny? They’d understood for the first week or so because she had AP work to do (Matt and Chris, underachievers the both of them, assumed it was tough stuff that kept her busy), but now it was just weird. She’d said she was ready to come in. So where was she?
The incessant yapping of Mr. Pooki and opening of the basement door announced her arrival just as he was getting ready to send Jim and Chris home.
“Finally, Pen,” Matt complained, “where have you
been?”
As she descended the stairs, Matt and Chris felt the need to double-take. Where she’d once had a long and messy blonde ponytail, Penny now had a stylish dark red bob that framed her face. They’d never seen her in make up, either, and yet her eyes were lined in black and her lips dyed red.
“What?” she asked, her tone annoyed. “Never seen a pretty girl before?”
She went to her normal spot and set up like normal, attaching herself to the amp and tuning. When she was set, she stood up and looked over at Jim.
“Hey,” she said, beaming confidently. “I’m Penny. Sorry we couldn’t meet sooner.” She offered a hand for him to shake.
Jim crossed the room to her and took it.
“Jim,” he replied, trying to find the Penny he’d heard about in this girl. “No problem. ‘S long as you’re here.”
Penny nodded, happy with this new singer so far.
"Now, how’s ‘bout we stop standing around and make some music?”
X
“What’s up, Penny?” Matt asked as he sat by her at lunch. “You’ve been weird all summer.”
“And you just got the guts to ask me now?” she asked, raising a snarky eyebrow.
He scrunched up his forehead. All summer he’d seen her and still he hadn’t grown used to this new Penny. It wasn’t unnerving or bad… just different and new. Confident and yet so off.
Penny looked at him a moment, trying to decide something. Then she sighed, putting her elbows on the table and her head in her hands.
“He hasn’t written once, Matt.”
It took him a moment to realize who she was talking about.
“Nate?”
She barked a laugh without humor. “No, the freaking president.
Yes, Nate.”
Matt frowned a little bit. Why hadn’t Nathan written? He was Penny’s best friend. Sure, he’d moved pretty far away, but… that couldn’t have changed with a little distance, could it?
Penny seemed to read his mind.
“Maybe it’s all changed,” she said, staring at the table. She was quiet then, listening to the conversations around them. They were better than listening to herself right then. But Matt wasn’t saying anything, either. He was the chatterbox. Where were his words?
She turned to look at him and found him zoned out, staring at his shoes. She’d silenced Matt, of all people.
Amazing, she thought. Her gaze returned to the table. Might as well get the rest off my chest.
“And this new look… well, at first, it was me trying to move on. Change. Get a new life. It sort of worked: I like it, and so does my mom. She thinks I’m finally being girly. And maybe that’s true. I hated to seem girly around Nathan. He was always afraid we’d look like a couple or something.” She made a sudden choking noise. “Maybe this is the first time I’ve been me in a long time.”
This idea sunk in. Her best friend might have been changing her. Changing her a lot. Yet…
If this is the real me, though… why do I still feel so bad?”
Tears burned in her eyes for the umpteenth time in months. Sure, she’d been sensitive before, but this was just ridiculous. What was wrong with her? Her eyes bore into the table as she held the tears back. No need to cause a scene. Matt probably wouldn’t like that.
Then, a slow awkward pat on her back. It reminded her of the last time she’d been in school with Nate. Except this was nicer, friendlier. Like it was actually trying to help.
Penny looked up and saw Matt’s uncertain but concerned face. He gave a somewhat sheepish yet reassuring smile and Penny returned it in a slightly shakier, more near-tears form.
She leaned into him and let the waterworks begin.
