Plain Jane

Sarah Jane didn’t ever like boys. That is, she never admitted it. She didn’t really know any boys, so how could she like them? It was an impossibility in her mind. Completely impossible.

And then she met Victor.

He was something new. He liked reading and spoke intelligently. Sarah Jane had been around so few boys that could do that that she’d begun to think they weren’t capable of it. But Victor could. And he wrote. Oh, he wrote. His stories flew off the page and into her mind, showing her worlds that she could have never imagined herself. Sarah Jane was a plain girl, a plain Jane, and she never thought about what might be out there. She was happy with her life in her little town and her little life. It was normal and quiet and she liked it. Any change? That would be terrifying. No, Sarah Jane was pleased with how things were going for her, if you ignored the small detail of Victor.

She wanted to talk to him--she really did!--but she knew not what she would say. How could she talk to a boy? She'd had so little practice in normal conversations, let alone trying to love them (and was this even love?). How could she figure that out? It must have been different because of the love. Normalcy and adoration couldn't be the same.

She sat in class, feeling him sitting in the desk behind her. He did every day, so it shouldn't have been as thrilling as she felt it was. But it was, it was! And she just couldn't stop that. It was something that would not let itself be stopped. There was a tiny part of her, even that would be sad if the thrill left. It had become such a huge part of her life in the passing months. How could she just wish it away? It'd grown on her.

The teacher was talking at the front of the room. She wasn't listening to him, though. Sarah Jane listened to the scribbling, scratching, erasing that was being done behind her. Victor was writing. He was putting his ideas onto paper, analyzing them, rewriting them. She wondered what he was writing. A new story? A poem? Character ideas? All were possible. Victor was always spouting new ideas.

She started doodling on her paper a little, wondering what he was doing. She'd become a little Victor-centric, honestly, but it was understandable. She'd never admitted to herself that she liked a boy. It was all new to her, so it was the normal thing to totally immerse herself in it. Wasn't it?

The doodles on the paper started in one corner and started to spread. She liked to draw a little bit, but she wasn't any good. Most of these were just little blob people that would cry out things she was thinking, whether it was "WHAT ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT?" or "WHY WON'T THIS CLASS ENDDD?!" The class was beginning to drag on. It usually wasn't like that. But Sarah Jane could feel her heart beat harder against her chest for no apparent reason. Was it because she was thinking about Victor behind her? Was it because she wanted to kiss him? Because she very much felt like it might be that. Her eyes flew to the clock. How long until class was over? Fifteen minutes? No, it had to end sooner than that. She needed to not be near Victor, she needed to just be away from him and think these thoughts while she wasn't close enough to maybe, possibly, act on them. Blood rushed into her face and she felt herself burn, turning a pleasant shade of tomato red. She chewed on her lip fiercely, drawing a little blood.

Good, she thought, maybe some of this blush will leak out through my lip.

She tried to focus on the teacher, on the lesson, but suddenly she couldn't even remember what class it was. Were they learning geometry or world history? Was that French on the board or was her brain misinterpreting in its anxious state?

Her lip really hurt. She couldn't chew on it anymore. So she began chewing on the inside of her cheek, wondering how much time had passed. She glanced at the clock. A whole two minutes. There was still so much time before she got to leave, disappear, hope to never see Victor again...or at least not until she could get her hormones to shut up. Breathing in slowly, she let out a deep sigh. She wondered if Victor noticed her distress. Could he hear her heart beating? Did he notice her deep breathes as she tried to calm herself? Listening, she still heard the scratching of pen against paper. Her shoulders drooped. He hadn't. He wasn't even now. Whatever fantasy he world he had created had stolen him away, keeping his mind too occupied to notice the plain Jane in front of him. She supposed that was better, in a way; he could write more stories for her to enjoy if he didn't know she existed. Still...a part of her wanted him to notice her like she noticed him. But who could notice a girl like her?

Sarah Jane slumped onto her desk, exhausted from her worry. There was so much on her mind that she thought she might explode. Victor wouldn't notice, of course. He didn't notice anything about her.

She started to resent him in that moment. Why wouldn't he notice her? Was she not good enough? She got good grades. She was a nice person. And though she was plain, she wasn't completely hideous. Why not notice a girl like her? She stared ahead, burning a hole into the whiteboard. In her mind, though, the board was Victor's face. And oh, how she despised him in that moment. Why wouldn't he notice her? WHY WOULDN'T HE NOTICE HER? It was absurd, wasn't it? She was just like everybody else, just as smart and nice and...and...

...and she didn't stand out. So of course he didn't see her. Sarah Jane's anger fizzled out and she let her head drop onto the desk top with a low thunk. It wasn't Victor's fault at all. It was just her fault over and over. He couldn't notice her because she hid from him. She only got to read his stories because he posted them online. She never commented, anonymously or not. She always worried what he would say, how she would be rejected...how his face would change. Would he look sad, like he didn't want to hurt her? Would he laugh? What about a contortion of his features, something of horror? No, that was ridiculous. But was it, really? She didn't know how he would react. But she had to see. What if he felt like she did? What if it worked out? She had to know.

How she would go about this would be difficult. Sarah Jane couldn't see her doing any of the things she thought of when she thought of him. Declaring affection, hugging, those sorts of things. What would she do?

A glance at the clock. Terror struck through her. If she wanted to do anything today, she'd have to act fast; there were but three minutes left in class and Victor always took off right away after school. But what would she do? What would she do?!

She thought about writing a note. Maybe folding it up adorably and then handing it to him right as the bell rang before timidly scooting away. That could work. She hunched over her desk, scribbling down a note. At first she wanted to make it look nice, like she really took care of it, but she kept changing her mind and scribbling things out, starting again, trying and trying to think of what to say, how to say it...she wasn't sure it would work. What if he saw it as something stupid? What if he lost the note? Or, worse, he couldn't read her handwriting? It was kind of bad and run-together-y. Sarah Jane gripped her pen anxiously. How could she ensure he got what she wanted to tell him? How could he perfectly understand it?

The bell rang. She jumped, giving a small cry of distress. No! Class couldn't be over! She finally, finally was set on doing this. If she waited until tomorrow, she would give up and she'd never do it! She heard Victor stand and start to collect his things behind her. Her body went rigid. Then, without much thought, she leaped to her feet and threw her arms around him. Her face was in his and their lips met. Her eyes were shut tight, terrified of what she might see. Under her touch, Victor was stiff, unmoving. She wondered if she'd done wrong. But it was amazing, even like this. She...she was kissing a boy! Sarah Jane couldn't be prouder of herself. Of course, she was doing it in the middle of class, though a good chunk of people had run out once the bell rang. She could hear the silence around them. Then, slowly, his body relaxed, but she got no other response, so she pulled away. Obviously she'd done something wrong. He hadn't yanked him off of her, but he hadn't kissed back, either. She stared at the floor, waiting for him to yell at her. For anyone to yell at her. She had done a stupid, stupid thing. She was chewing on her lip again, cutting into it and not caring. Tears welled up in her eyes and she felt her face burn as everyone stared at her.

"S...sorry," she choked out, grabbing her paper and bag and running out of the room.

She couldn't believe she'd done that. What a stupid thing to do! Her lip was bleeding a lot now and she stopped to put a tissue on it. Looking around, she saw she'd run straight out of the building and down the street without realizing it. At least she'd been going in the direction of her bus; the sooner she got on it and home, the better. She gave a little cry of relief as she realized that tomorrow was Saturday. She wouldn't have to deal with any of it for two days. She could go home and forget it even happened until Monday. It was a beautiful thing. She had started walking again when she heard shoes slapping the pavement behind her. Figuring it was a member of the track team or something, she moved over to one side. But they slowed as they approached her until the owner of those slapping shoes was walking beside her. It was Victor.

"Uh, hey," he said, breathing a little heavily. He looked at her for a moment, then quickly looked at the ground. "You, um, okay?"

Sarah Jane sat in a stunned silence, just looking at him. He'd run after her. Why? She'd just embarassed the crap out of him more than likely. You'd think that he didn't want anything to do with her. But he was here. Why?

Because he's nice, she told herself. Victor is a great guy. Of course he'd make sure you were okay.

"Y-yeah," she said, still a little dazed. "Are you?"

He continued to stare at the ground for a little while then nodded. "Yeah."

She looked at him a moment longer, wondering what to say. Then she looked ahead and they walked to the bus stop together.

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I might never get any further with this, so I tells you what I picture happening, as the author: Sarah Jane and Victor start to hang out more, mostly because SJ freaked the frick out and Victor started to comfort her. They were friends and have to deal with the crap that comes with randomly kissing a classmate you never talked to in class. Then...Victor returns her feelings, saying she's his muse. She does the things that no one outside of a book would do and he writes them. C: (There is probably a more poetic way to say that, but I'm a story writer, not a poet, despite any delusion I may have. >>) Ta-dah!

Sweet Thing

A laugh, a smile
I love to see it there
I wonder how my life would be
If I'd changed my mind
Without you, what would I be?
Alone
So terribly alone
Or, worse, with him
Thank you, little angel
For saving me from myself

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Total fiction btw. I can has no babeh. :p